garden party

One night I decided I was craving a pair of mint-coloured skinny jeans, and I quickly snapped up this and a lavender pair from Miss Selfridge, in a single, hasty and hurried transaction. Sometimes my fingers are flying too fast on the "click next" button and filling in all those name, address and credit card details...and then all of a sudden there's a new email alert for my order confirmation. All before granting myself a reasonably sufficient period of time to mentally process the decision to purchase. Has this ever happened to anyone before? Only when I've already made the purchase does the wise, frugal part of me finally rear its sensible head, and then the shopaholic me feels guilty and remorseful and goes off to demolish a packet of Oreos to feel better.

Blouse: http://english.gmarket.co.kr/

Mint jeans: Miss Selfridge

Heels: Bon Bon

Necklace: Lovisa (thanks to Kim!)
Claw bracelet: ebay.com
Rings: Diva, Disney Couture
Fan clutch: Forever New

I feel bad when I take photos and what could be an amazing photoshoot, with wonderful scenery, perfect camera settings and angles, the model (myself) somehow lets the whole thing down. It doesn't show too obviously in these pictures, but for the majority of photos my facial expression and posing were rife with anxiety, discomfort and insecurity.

I wish I could master the skill of wearing everything with confidence, or at least find some way to disguise the lack of, when infront of the camera. This time the problem wasn't really the people walking around (although there were a few people sitting on the benches directly across), but being insecure with the way I looked that day. I have never really liked myself in jeans and I seemed to have temporarily forgotten that! I am nowhere close to being a professional model if I can't mask those nagging thoughts of insecurity. I've always thought that one thing the world could really benefit from, would be some sort of confidence-injecting drug! 

But perhaps the value of true self-confidence lies in the fact that it comes from persistent motivation, positivity, and strength from within. Not something that can just be bought or otherwise easily attained, because there's a great deal of admiration to be had for those who put in the effort to be confident all the time. With great confidence comes great things all around, and the fact that I lack it in so many ways, should make me work harder to achieve it.

(sorry, for my rambliness. Just another one of those contemplative nights!)